hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
