listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
