I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
