Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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