Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
