i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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