Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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