we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
