dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
