Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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