the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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