Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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