This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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