How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
