Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
