i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
