Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
