My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
