That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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