I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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