Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
