i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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