Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
