he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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