Small penises have feelings too.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
