i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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