Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is classic penis vs brain.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
