OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Im part way to drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize