i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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