walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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