He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
