I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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