We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
