im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
