I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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