i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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