I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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