There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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