You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
