Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
