dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
