I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
