I want to have your abortion
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
