when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
