I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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