I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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