My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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