If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
