So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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