shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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