i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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