Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
bring money and cleavage
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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