i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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