Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
