Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
