You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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