You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
