I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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