just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
