well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
