And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Please don't give away my fajitas
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
