when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
