hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize