girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
