Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
