John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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