She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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