Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize