I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
