I wannas sexs uuuuu
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
