i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
