that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
did i just pee glitter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
