i already hear my dad disowning me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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