i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
