I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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