ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
