After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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