I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
