We got so high we made milksteak
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
