True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
