one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
