u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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