FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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